


maybe this mattress will spin on its axis and find me on yours.

by je000nghan



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Break Up, Goodbye Sex, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Pillow Talk, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 08:03:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15577425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/je000nghan/pseuds/je000nghan
Summary: jeonghan is an individualist caught in the middle of joshua hong’s hopeless romantic realm — the trouble that leads to this “break up” sex and concluding pillow talk.





	maybe this mattress will spin on its axis and find me on yours.

**Author's Note:**

> the vibe is heavily inspired by jeonghan’s recent song recommendations, that lowkey lo-fi enthuasiast!

1.

body hair defeats gravity when they perk up from the pores — static; the immediate response to the softest lips pressing wet open-mouth kisses on joshua’s shoulder, trailing to the back of his ear with short licks in between.

joshua doesn’t resist the noise wanting to escape from his throat, letting it out thinly as he moves his head to the side, allowing jeonghan to mark more of the sensitive areas of his upper body. his hands rest over jeonghan’s arms, wrapped around his waist, securing his position on top of the kisser’s lap.

“we don’t have to do this,” jeonghan’s voice shakes, he’s just a little scared and a whole lot of cautious.

joshua’s heart stops for a second, a squeezing pain from the thought of it. but he has already decided to regret tonight maybe sometime tomorrow.

“i want it.”

 

 

 

i.

_young and full of running_

_tell me where has that taken me_

_just a great figure eight_

_or a tiny infinity_

 

joshua plays along the chords of the music, pressing tabs on his air guitar and singing to himself in a volume low enough not to outsound the artist.

late nights were dead business hours in the convenience store he works in, the best shift in his opinion because that way, he can make money as he studies for his classes the next day.

he was humming the rest of the verse, unsure of the lyrics, when the sound of chimes interrupts, signaling a customer entering the glass doors.

it was a man. in an oversized black shirt and a sketchy bucket hat; a man. with airpods in, walking with his music on high decibels — ridiculously loud, joshua could hear the lo-fi tunes of Lo-Fang’s #88 singing _give it up / if nothing matters / give it up / it won’t get better_ , so he stops his John Mayer to give his ears minimal rest. he’ll wait until the man leaves.

 

 

 

2.

jeonghan moves his hands under joshua’s shirt, pulling it up and dropping it peacefully by their feet. he doesn’t stop kissing joshua and he presses his palms on the latter’s chest, pulling him closer so he could kiss him deeper, dragging his teeth over shua’s back and nipping on the areas where he shows reaction.

sensation builds up quick over joshua. he bites on his lower lip only to release it immediately to moan as feels jeonghan growing under him.

jeonghan stops, pressing his face on joshua’s back, hiding an embarrassed laugh unsuccessfully.

“why?” shua looks over his shoulder, not like he’d see jeonghan that way.

“noisy,” jeonghan answers, breathy chuckles in between. “ah, shua. you’re always noisy when you’re into it.”

joshua slaps on jeonghan’s arm lightly, finding it oddly funny too. “can’t we just do it that way? you’re gonna miss it.”

and then it’s quiet for a moment.

jeonghan doesn’t move away from shua’s back, but his hand somehow finds its way to interlock with the latter’s.

“it’s okay, jeonghannie.”

 

 

 

ii.

fifteen minutes. joshua has just wasted fifteen minutes watching the man sit silently by the counter-like community table panelled against the store’s glass walls. _he’s really taking his time with that strawberry drink and hotbar,_ shua thinks to himself.

but with how long he’s been watching, shua doesn’t notice that the man had long stopped listening to music.

“am i weird?”

joshua’s eyes widen. _is he talking to me?_

“you’ve been staring,” the man shifts in his seat, his body facing joshua’s direction. “am i?”

all shua could mutter were Uhmm’s.

“i’m kidding, don’t worry,” the man laughs.

“sorry, i—“

“so you’re Joshua,” the man nods, eyes fixated on joshua’s nametag.

“y-yeah. that’s my name.”

“i see you a lot in campus. i think we share the same building.”

_oh._

“i’m Jeonghan.”

 

 

 

3.

“continue?”

“continue.”

and with shua’s answer, jeonghan resumes kissing, nipping, biting, and sucking on shua’s bare back while the latter guides their holding hands so jeonghan’s palm massages over his bulge.

joshua shuffles, facing jeonghan this time, legs wrapped around the latter’s waist; he’s met with a kiss, their lips pressing deep against each other, their teeth clicking once, twice.

joshua grinds slowly when jeonghan tightens the hold on his hips. barely breathing, he takes jeonghan’s tongue and sucks on it aggressively — he releases him only to react on the squeeze jeonghan does on his thigh.

“bedroom,” jeonghan suggests, gaze locked on shua’s eyes as if hopeful for an impossible confirmation.

joshua nods then kisses him for an answer, passionately, like jeonghan was the only thing that keeps him awake.

because he _was,_ or has been, the only thing that’s been keeping him awake.

 

 

 

iii.

they meet for several times after that night. growing fond one step at a time — from the awkward unintentional stare from the first night, to holding hands on their way to lunch days thereafter.

to joshua, it was destiny. his hopeless romantic, rom-com loving ass thinks it is, especially from the moment they learned that they shared a selective: music, their common link.

joshua discovers that jeonghan liked artists ranging from standing egg to ha:tfelt; and jeonghan identifies joshua not too differently with his playlist that went from gabe bondoc to bazzi.

“your music goes from innocent to sexy, don’t you think?”

“that’s why i have several playlists.”

“are you mocking mine?” joshua laughs, guilty at his rather complex, unorganized one. 

“nah,” jeonghan smiles, his eyes forming crescents joshua thinks are cute. “you ought to figure, i like separating things.”

 _that’s deep,_ shua thinks, his heart doing an unexplainable thing. he just prays it wasn’t meant to imply anything personal because _shit,_ he really likes him.

 

 

 

4.

jeonghan trails kisses from joshua’s lips down to his stomach the moment he lays the latter on his back. from hovering above shua, jeonghan kneels up after one last kiss on the skin just below shua’s navel; shua watches him strip off his shirt, intimately, eyes tracing on every curve on his body, studying every bit of his skin.

“you’ll see more of me tonight, come on.”

shua nods. his heart clenching for the second time. _stay still, shua. you wanted this. you chose this pain, you chose this motherfucker._

 

 

 

vi.

“who’s that?” joshua plops himself beside jeonghan, immediately passing the bowl of popcorn he had just prepared for their Bungou Stray Dogs marathon.

“which one?” jeonghan answers, tucking his phone under the pillow beside him. he rejects to hold the popcorn so he could invite shua closer, wrapping an arm around the smaller boy.

“you were texting,” shua answers. he makes sure he doesn’t sound any way close to mr. jealousy.

jeonghan Ah’s and smiles, pressing a kiss on shua’s forehead and speaks, “just Gyu. you know, from my course.”

 _gyu._ shua recalls. _Mingyu._

“the hunk? pretty face, great body?”

“psh,” jeonghan waves his hand at the comment. “i’m prettier.”

joshua agrees. no one else is prettier than jeonghan, not even his own ego thinks he can beat jeonghan’s features. he was made out of all things angelic — minus the occasional devilish, but understandable pranks; nevertheless, angelic.

but he’s hurting a little. he doesn’t know why.

and with every _ting!_ jeonghan’s phone rings, and every smile jeonghan sports when he replies, the pain grows.

(joshua pretends to fall asleep for the rest of the episodes; he couldn’t continue until season two.)

 

 

 

5.

“blow me? or do i blow you?”

joshua pulls himself up, supporting his weight on his elbows. “i really want a dick in my mouth right now.”

with shua motioning his hands to direct jeonghan to come closer, the latter moves on his knees until shua is comfortable enough to take him in his mouth.

joshua starts, spitting on the tip of jeonghan’s head and rubbing over his shaft so the spit covered him well and wet. and with his hand wrapped warmly on the bottom of the length, moving up and down, shua dips his tongue on jeonghan’s slit and teases him with kitten-like licks, until jeonghan grabs him by the back of his head. with a helpful push by jeonghan’s hand, shua takes jeonghan’s dick in and bobs his head, building up the pace from slow and light until his cheeks are hollowed, eyes wet, and jeonghan fucks him in the mouth deep in pleasure.

 

 

 

v.

it’s been a week since joshua has heard of mingyu, or seen him anywhere close to jeonghan, and he likes to think they’ve stopped texting too.

but it wasn’t the end of it.

joshua waits outside jeonghan’s dorm unit for ten minutes too long. jeonghan knew he was coming for dinner, but for some reason, he wasn’t anticipating his presence; and for another five minutes, he stares at his phone and reads jeonghan’s text for the hundredth time tonight: _wait._

and so he did — he waited until a man comes out of jeonghan’s room, a man that wasn’t jeonghan, because it was jeonghan that followed suit.

“hey, babe,” joshua greets, rather confused. “didn’t know you had a roommate.”

“i don’t,” jeonghan grabs joshua by the hand and they start walking.

“who was that a while ago?”

“ah, that? just someone from my class.”

“oh, i haven’t seen him before. what’s his name?”

“seungcheol.”

joshua wanted to say “Choi?” just to be sure, but he didn’t want jeonghan to know that he’s seen some _choi seungcheol_ texting jeonghan the dirtiest, sexiest messages just yesterday, when jeonghan left his phone when he went to the comfort room.

and suspiciously, tonight, jeonghan smells a lot different.

 

 

 

6.

“wait-wait,” jeonghan pulls from joshua’s mouth, stopping himself from cumming then and there. he hovers again on top of shua, kissing the latter down until he’s lying on his back. “legs up? or i bend you over?”

joshua always loved jeonghan’s version of dirty talk — sweet and assuring. jeonghan always asked him questions to make sure he was comfortable, and every time they fucked, he turns into a delicate flower: loved and cared for.

“i stretched a lot today,” joshua answers, nodding at the direction of jeonghan’s shoulders. “and i’ll miss that broad built tomorrow.”

but all his thoughtful words don’t necessarily mean his actions were the most gentle, too. with that, jeonghan grabs him by the bottom of his thighs squeezing and pulling him closer, lifting him a little so his legs were bent over either of jeonghan’s forearms.

when jeonghan starts kissing on shua’s inner thigh, shua reaches for the lube and the condom hidden inside the drawer beside the bed. and he almost drops both when jeonghan sucks on his thin skin.

“thanks, babe,” jeonghan steals the lube from shua’s hand and lifts one leg on top of his shoulder, the other released on the bed but pushed aside so his legs were wide apart.

jeonghan smears lube on his fingers and presses a kiss on shua’s mouth before pressing two fingers on shua’s rim, massaging it in circles before putting one finger in and out alternatively.

he kisses down to shua’s neck and settles to nip on his collarbones; two fingers in this time, pressing it in deeper making joshua breathe an _Ah_ — and another one, so there’s three — _Ah-ah._

shua matches the move of jeonghan’s fingers, grinding close to jeonghan’s chest so his dick in between them felt friction. jeonghan figured this, so he leans down closer, allowing shua to fuck himself on their stomachs.

“i-in,” shua breathes, desperate for a cock inside his hole. “f-fuck me—Ah.”

jeonghan pulls his fingers quickly. he spreads a generous amount of lube on his now rubber-protected dick, making sure his size doesn’t take joshua by surprise (something they learned when they fucked the first time — and joshua’s first time). slowly, he enters.

joshua takes a breath when jeonghan’s head meets his hole, stops his breathing until his full length was inside, and exhales in patchy moans of relief to relax himself. jeonghan was big; he was on the long side and average in width. but for joshua, he was plain big, especially that joshua has no other dick to compare him with — so jeonghan kisses him patiently, waiting for him to adjust to his size.

“fuck me.”

and just like that, jeonghan holds joshua with one hand on the leg above his shoulder and the other hand pinning shua’s wrists above the latter’s head, fucking him in the perfect pace and hitting his prostate with every move.

joshua arches his back, mouth open, desperate breaths of air, stomach burning, dick close to bursting whites. “fu—i’m, ah-ah. hannie— _Ah._ ”

“yes. yes,” jeonghan answers, acknowledging the cum on shua’s stomach. “it’s fine, baby.” he releases shua’s wrists to allow shua to pump his dick empty, while he lifts the other leg to his free shoulder.

jeonghan humps faster, the tight feel of joshua around him and the sounds they were making skin-to-skin and shua’s loud breaths makes it easier for him to chase his own release.

“it’s gonna be sore,” shua laughs, clenching on the sheets on either side of his body so he was steady enough for jeonghan to fuck. 

when jeonghan grunts, he feels the warmth of jeonghan’s cum inside him, filling him fuller at every slow push and pull jeonghan does to finish; and when he’s done, jeonghan rolls over to joshua’s side, panting as he laughs at shua’s statement.

shua laughs along — fake, that is. because just last time—no, _everytime_ shua tells him he’s gonna be sore, jeonghan would always answer: _”I’ll take care of you tomorrow._

 

 

 

vi.

“who is it today?” joshua drops his fork violently on the table.

jeonghan looks up from his phone in surprise. “what’s that?”

“i said _Who. Is. It. Today?”_

“woah, where is this coming from?”

“can you drop your phone?”

“joshuji? what’s going on?”

joshua fixes his eyes on jeonghan’s, eyebrows furrowed, teeth clenched. he’s had enough. “no _joshuji_ this time. just tell me who you’re gonna fuck maybe at lunch later, i don’t know.”

now it’s jeonghan whose eyebrows are furrowed, irritated at best. “what are you on?” he questions, voice low and eyes scanning around so as not to disturb other diners. “it’s not like i fuck different people everyday. i fucked you two nights in a row. i was even gonna fuck you tonight.”

disgusting. as if it weren’t true, joshua wants to vomit all over the breakfast before them. “first it was mingyu, then it was seungcheol. what’s with you and your kink with sexts? flirting behind my back and cheating on me by full on fucking around.”

“cheating?” jeonghan exhales, like it was the most delusional thing joshua has ever said. “were we together?”

 _ouch._ that was a hundred bullets straight to joshua’s already wrecked, already weakened, already bleeding, useless of a heart. “w-weren’t we?” he sounded embarrassed, the words barely coming out with voice from his mouth. “didn’t you say you liked me?”

“shua, i thought we were on the same page?” jeonghan continues. “separating things, remember?”

 _oh that? drag me. straight to fucking hell._ he wants to bang his heavy hands on the table, to press his palms flat against the cheap wood; but he remains in his composure, mostly because he’s in so much pain, he lost all his mobility. “things? is that what i’ve been to you all along?”

that startles jeonghan, his face showing full offense. “that’s not what i meant.”

“explain yourself.”

“i haven’t settled, shua. i don’t like to settle.”

“i’m not putting a ring on your finger, jeonghan. what were we doing then?”

truthfully, jeonghan didn’t know. jeonghan hasn’t met anyone that has made him feel the way joshua was making him feel; he has never met anyone he wants to keep, anyone to break his boundaries, to defy his personal space and odd romanticism of keeping aspects of his life separated from himself.

“why did you have to fuck other guys to keep me away? why didn’t you just let me go? you could’ve just let me go.”

jeonghan doesn’t respond. he sits still, not even watching when joshua paid for their meals and left the diner twenty minutes ago. his eyes are locked nowhere he can recognize because his vision was blurry, wet. he doesn’t understand anything, but his heart was aching and his eyes were crying.

_sorry, joshuji. i don’t know too._

 

 

 

7.

they stay still in this picture: jeonghan lying on his back, hands resting on his chest; and joshua was on his left, back turned against him, curled in fetal position.

they were quiet for long minutes, nothing to listen to but static — that is, until jeonghan hears a sniff; and if he listened more closely, he’d hear more of joshua’s sobs.

jeonghan swallows, his heart was racing in a manner not exciting, but painful. “can i hold you?”

joshua doesn’t answer. _can he hold me? fuck that,_ shua thinks. _i want you to fucking tuck me in until tomorrow. never let me go._

“i’m gonna hold you,” jeonghan warns, rolling to his side, supporting the weight of his head on his elbow. he pulls the blanket over joshua’s shoulder before pressing his hand on top of the latter’s arm, caressing it lightly with pats in between. “i can hear you.”

“you can just listen.”

joshua doesn’t know this, but there’s a lump forming on jeonghan’s throat. he’s not the only one hurt in this situation. why did they agree to this? why did they have to meet up ‘one last time for closure’ — it wasn’t like jeonghan gave him a good enough reason other than he didn’t want to feel attached so he resorted other people; it wasn’t like joshua didn’t already figure it the past few days.

jeonghan gets braver, embracing all of joshua’s torso and nuzzling his face on the small of shua’s neck. but the unexpected came through, and joshua feels a drop on his skin. two drops. three. someone else was fucking crying.

“jeonghan.”

“i like you.”

“jeongha—“

“i’m sorry.”

“jeong—“

“do we have to?”

joshua turns around. it hurts him even more, seeing jeonghan looking down, face wet and flushed. but he lifts him by the chin, only to get his hand caught between jeonghan’s hold; the latter pressing a kiss on shua’s knuckles.

jeonghan gives him time to think, allowing the dull silence to consume the moment between them.

“it hurt a lot.”

“if i change?”

“should i even trust that?”

jeonghan moves closer, holding shua tightly by the waist, their foreheads omit of space. jeonghan was too guilty to convince him, so he doesn’t give shua any reason.

if he didn’t know jeonghan for the long time that he’s known him today, joshua would think he was playing. he knows him well enough when he’s saying things half-assed, and he knows him well enough when he’s being wholeheartedly truthful — or so he thinks he does. and he felt it when jeonghan explained that nothing happened between him and mingyu, and that though he didn’t give anything to seungcheol, he confessed to receiving a handjob. and anyways, joshua wasn’t the most persistent man on earth. admittedly, he was a slave for love.

“we don’t have to.”

and jeonghan couldn’t believe it, his face frozen which was somehow funny to joshua because he laughs and sniffs and the world wouldn’t have guessed if he was happy or sad.

“hannie,” joshua brushes jeonghan’s stray hairs from his cheek, tucking them behind his ear. “i’m gonna be sore.”

and like an old joke, jeonghan kisses joshua deep on the mouth, breathing in the second chance the latter boy was giving him; firm and promising, he answers, “i’ll take care of you tomorrow. thank you, joshuji.”

 

 

 

8.

(and maybe joshua will still regret tonight tomorrow. or the other day. or sometime time in the future — no one, but fate, will know.)

**Author's Note:**

> aaaaa, my second attempt at smut. i hope i improved even just a little >< thanks for reading!
> 
> also, the stressed student that i am would gratefully take a cup of coffee as a form of support: [here!](https://ko-fi.com/F1F7OQ52) you know, if you ever liked my work that much. i’ll drink it well, i promise. thank you ♡


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